Today and Tomorrow

I know it's been a long time. Have you forgotten about me? In the few bits and pieces of time I can find to sit down and write I found myself struggling to put it all together. I can't even remember what I sent in for my last post. It was a long time ago. This week in "come follow me" we were studying about the creation of the world. There are 3 different accounts or "witnesses" of what happened before man was granted this earth. Although they are slightly different they all have the same elements. God, light, unorganized matter, and time. It's interesting how an all powerful, all knowing, and all loving God decided to take his time with the creation of the Earth. I personally believe that it is mostly symbolism but it has a lot of meaning. From the "void" and "disorganized" space God created piece by piece a home that we call Earth. It reminded me of a Zone Conference we had a couple of transfers back. I'll briefly point out some notes I took on what was taught: -They say that the mission is a school of "prophets" but its really a school of "Gods" -Just like how God "organized" disorganized matter we must "organize" our lives -daily planning is kind of like a practice in making out own world, it's separating things, using revelation, choosing what needs to be done first, second, third -Each step, even the mistakes or misleads we do are all "good" or at least we looked upon it as good when we planned -If you have a bad day even though you "planned well" it's probably because God needed you to have a bad day It's interesting how the assistants in my mission took something as profound as the creation of the universe and applied it to figuring out what we are going to do every day. But it's a very profound skill to have. Maybe even a divine skill to have. I think that's why I like writing so much or at least why I get so much satisfaction from it. It starts out as virtually nothing, a blank sheet of paper or a blank screen and it turns into something incredible, something unique, something that can evolve and change, something that help people or be a basis for helping ourselves. It can be planned out, but the best writing in my opinion is thought out. That is why I had such a hard time writing lately. I've had TOO MUCH to write about and nearly NO TIME to think. Here I am talking about why I haven't been writing referencing something I learned almost 4 months ago. So I decided the best place to start this blog isn't from where I left off. Nor where I am right now. But the "Beginning". Its been nearly 18 months since I was set apart to serve as a missionary. 18 months since I walked into the house of my stake president without a nametag and walked out with a nametag. It was not just etched onto to the plastic of the blacksquare that rests in my front pocket. But it was etched into my soul. There was a change that day. Something was different. And even though I still don't exactly understand what that "something" is... It's what gets me up in the mornings or in other words it's my motivation. And it's also what puts me into bed at night or in other words it's what makes me work. Having said all of that I fully believe that God not only called me to serve a mission be he hand created my specific experience for these two years to be exactly what I've needed to learn and what I've needed to experience. So where am I right now? I am in the same area: Carapegua. And for the first time in my mission I have had back to back to back transfers with new companions. It's been a lot of change. A lot of growing and adjusting. It's gone by fast but also painfully slow. It's kind of like a fever dream. Easy to see but hard to explain. I am also still serving as the Branch President. It's a lot of responsibility and really stressful. It sometimes means that I plan out an amazing day or "create" this amazing day and then because of some task I have to completely change what I am doing. I have been making a lot of sacrifices. One of those sacrifices is my personal study. I still take time for personal study but I have to study about things like "how to do tithing settlement" and "how to extend callings" and "how to do worthiness interviews." I'm in contact with a lot of people with a lot more authority than I'll ever have like the District President and even some of the counselors of the mission. There's a lot of pressure and I feel like I've been given the smallest flock of sheep on the planet but I can't even keep THEM all together. #worstpastorever I often find myself asking "how am I supposed to keep everything in line if I cant even pull MYSELF together?" I find myself having to make a lot of quick decisions. It's nerve-wracking but also very rewarding. My Mission President doesn't like that I am the Branch President of Carapegua. It's not that he thinks I'm doing a bad job (even though maybe i am) but it's a calling that is reserved for members. And I agree, the only reason I'm in this position is a lack of worthy priesthood holders. At this point I don't think we have but 2: me and my companion. It's really tough to see that everything is just sort of falling apart despite my best efforts. And even though everyone is very encouraging and says that I'm "doing my best" I can't help but think that it's my fault. But enough about that... I got a new companion. My last one hated me and was disgusted by the area and asked to leave. I tried to write a whole blog on it but I just couldn't do it. It still keeps me up at night sometimes how horrible of a transfer that was. And how i was so despised by someone. I don't think I've been anyone's favorite person in the world before but after being with him I know for sure I was someone's least favorite person. I just sort of try to forget about it for now. When I get my feet back under me I'll figure it out and unpack it. I haven't really healed from it yet. My current companion is 23 even though he looks like he's 33. He's a humble worker from the middle of nowhere and doesn't speak a lot of spanish. He is very Paraguayan. We come from two different worlds. but we get a long. In a lot of ways he is a really easy companion to have. But I have to teach him a lot of basic things like how to use a phone and how to use his email. I have to explain things very clearly and slowly or else they go completely go over his head. It's a lot different than my usual fast and sarcastic tone. The whole zone got Covid, I take my test tommorrow to see if I can leave quarantine again but it all feels like its coming back. I have no idea what that means for me and the future of my mission but i just pray that this is the last quarantine I have to do. It's been a good break. We still find time to work and have actually found a lot of success working from home. but I cant do this forever. I sprint up and down our outdoor patio when I get bored. And i get bored a lot. So that's where i am today. Who knows where I'll be tomorrow. I can't stay here forever. If there is anything I have learned over the past few months is that no matter how much you have to do, no matter how stressed out you are, no matter how many disappointments you face, you have to keep your sense of humor. If you can't get a good laugh here and there, you will never find success. Normally I have plenty of time and mindspace to look at what I've "created" and kind of analyze it. I haven't really had time to do that yet for Carapegua. I just gotta keep going. I read other missionaries blogs and emails and I often wonder "how are they so dang happy all the time". Why haven't I figured it out yet?