The hardest days of my life, the Tamara Project & my unexpected but triumphant return to Encarnacion
It's interesting how at the beginning of my mission the most important thing to me was to write. Write to my friends, my family, my mission president and write about my experiences. It used to be hard, but I always felt so accomplished after it. Now it's hard for me to even write in my journal. It's like I already lived this once, writing it down would mean living it again. Sometimes I just want to forget. But I know that maybe somehow in some way what I learned might help someone--or permanently scare them from coming to this country or serving a mission.
A lot has happened since the last time I wrote. I wish I could just sum it up into one paragraph or a couple of sentences but I really just can't. It's simply been some of the hardest months of not just my mission but my entire life (for as short as it is). I think the last time I wrote here I was in Carapegua. I never really go back and read what I write so I don't remember exactly what was going on. But as i mentioned before I was serving as the branch president. I was with a companion who was not very fond of me...
(side note--that is a complete understatement and the whole story of that will have to be for another time. See last post for a few more details. Short story is I finally got a new companion)
After a miserable 5 week transfer, I'm on a bus going to Asuncion to pick up my new companion. He would be the third of four different companions in 4 transfers. Elder Cano.
Elder Cano is one of the most interesting companions I've ever had. I can't think of a person more different than me on paper. He is 23 years old (but he looks like he's 35) really short and doesn't really talk much-- in part because he doesn't speak Spanish very well. He has grown up his whole life speaking the native language Guarani. He's from a city way up north in the middle of nowhere where the only cool thing is how hot it is and how sketchy it is. But strangely I got along with him much better than most of my other companions. Maybe it was just because I as relieved to have someone other than my last companion. Elder Cano is very humble and is someone that really does want to be in the mission. I had a good time being his companion.
He was a brand new missionary. Fresh out of online MTC. I wish I could have been a better companion for him...
I showed up at the mission office a couple days after transfers to pick him up. I had spent the last week before that bouncing around different areas because I didn't really have a companion. I sort of felt like I was just there. A lot of missionaries in the zone would sort of ask, "What happened to you?" I didn't even know how to explain. I was just sort of dead mentally. I had spent a whole transfer just suffering. I found it really hard to sleep at night which made it really hard to get up in the morning. Something I still haven't fully recovered from. For a while I sort of lost myself.
I traveled alone up to the mission office. At this point I had sort of gotten used to not having a companion. I didn't feel anywhere close to being like an actual "citizen" but it was interesting. I sat by myself on the bus. I was able to use my phone by myself. It was my brother's wedding that day so I got to call my family on the way up to Asuncion which was nice. I got off at the McDonalds that's close to the mission office and the secretary told me some elders were coming to pick me up and I was just sort of there. alone. Surrounded by people but alone. Honestly, it was as i like to say "kinda nice."
I couldn't really get over my missionary-induced urge to talk to people so I started just talking to people for like 30 minutes. It was nice I didn't really have to worry about what my companion was gonna think because I didn't have one. Then the office elders picked me up. I'm pretty good friends with all of them. I came in with the secretary (Elder Smith) who has been in the office for like 8 months. You could kind of tell he was sort of sick of it. But he was telling me about how a lot of missionaries in the mission are just tired--of their companion or their area or their lack of success. It was comforting to know I wasn't the only one feeling down, but I was also sad to hear about it. What's the point of serving a mission if us just going to be sad and not have success? I was told you're called to serve but sadly all too many are called to suffer.
So anyway I pulled up and President asked me for an interview. Presidente Faundez is my 3rd mission president. The thing that separates him from President Dunn and President Hansen is his form of showing his love. Instead of encouragement or praise he sort of cuts you down. He is very frank about what he expects from you but lets you know that he is fully confident in your abilities to achieve it. He asked me about what happened with my other companion and what I had learned from it. He told me that he was going to have me train again. I was actually excited to hear it. The last time I really felt alive as a missionary was when I was training Elder Harris. He invited Elder Cano into the interview and started giving him the run down of the mission to him. Then he turned the conversation on me (I was still there) and he said: Elder Johnson... (I thought he was about to say "is a great missionary with a lot of experience blah blah blah") but no he said: Elder Johnson is not the best missionary in the world. In fact he has a lot of flaws. But the Lord has called him to be your companion this time. So you are going to have to learn something from him. Make sure that he's being obedient and make sure he's getting up on time.
Throughout my mission I've never had that much trouble being obedient or getting up on time. But man, that transfer was hard for some reason. I think it was just because my companion didn't really know anything about the mission. I was sort of tempted to just do whatever I wanted because I honestly really could have. It's not that Elder Cano wasn't intelligent it's just that he's a little slow. I had to explain everything in depth. I can't just say "hey on Monday you have to write President." I had to say, "okay here is how you turn on the phone, here is how you log into your email... oh you forgot your password, okay we are gonna have to reset it. Can you write it down so you don't forget? this is how you type. you have to finish every sentence with a period...."
and yeah. It was tough.
I had to fill a lot of roles that transfer. I was branch president. trainer. spanish teacher. There is absolutely no other priesthood in the branch. Every Sunday I had to wake up early, clean the church, give two talks, conduct, bless or pass the sacrament, and teach sunday school. All so a couple of people could go to church. I was burned out. I had to do pretty much everything. and I was just fighting. I saw other areas having a ton of success and I just didn't know what I was doing wrong. It was the last week in the transfer. I was just soooo sick of fighting.
and then I met Tamara
I cant talk about Tamara without first mentioning Yulizza. Yulizza is an outlier in all of the best ways. Her family used meet with the missionaries years ago but the gospel really touched her heart more than anyone else. But in the end her family didn't let her get baptized because they were all devout Catholics. Even though she really wanted to join. One day long after the missionaries stopped coming to their house she still really wanted to get baptized. She knew that the gospel was true and she knew that the Book of Mormon was true and she didn't know why God wouldn't let her get baptized. Then she read in the Book of Mormon (i forget exactly where it's at) about how the choice to follow Jesus Christ is a personal decision.
Somehow when she turned 18 she found the missionaries again and was baptized. The only one in her family. And she was active for a long time. She even started her mission papers. But then as life went on, Covid shut everything down, and her family stopped committing to take her to church, and she sort of went inactive. But she never lost her testimony. Never.
and this all happened before I showed up.
We would always visit Yulizza and it was always good and we even had her little sister on date to get baptized up until one day when it sort of ended badly. My companion before Elder Cano sort of got in a bash with Yulizza's younger sister and not only did it fill me and her with just a bunch of doubt it sort of cut off the relationship I had with that family. I felt horrible because Yulizza was just coming back to church and she had started working on her papers again but after that day, it just made everything awkward. I felt like I had sort of been let down. again.
We didn't really talk for a while until one day she messaged us out of the blue and told us that we needed to come over. We were actually on the way to their house but then our ZLs called and told us that the whole zone got Covid and we had to get tested. My comp was actually a little sick but because I had no symptoms, I had to bend the rules and lie a little bit so I could actually take the test (because you have to have symptoms to take the test) and it came back positive. I was bummed. But one 10 day quarantine later (that Elder Johnson really needed) we were back at Yulizza's house. We were about to share a lesson with her and then her older sister, Tamara, comes in and is like "yooo I want listen too."
We end up sharing about the restoration and we tell her to read the Book of Mormon and all that good stuff but then she like goes 5 steps ahead and is like "yeah I want to come to church tomorrow." Keep in mind--this is half dead Elder Johnson talking who has spent a 75% of his mission having a very pitiful number of people he teaches attend church. So in my mind I'm like, "yeah okay whatever... we'll see about that."
That Sunday was one of the strangest but best Sunday's of my mission. and my last Sunday as Branch President.
Heres how it went down: We shared a really spiritual lesson with the dad of one of the few faithful members of the branch. He really opened up to us and told us that he needed God's help in his life. That's a story for a different day but he ends up showing up to church that Sunday. Presidente Texiera who is the second counselor in the mission shows up with his family because he needs to release me and call the new Branch President--a faithful member who just moved into the Acahay Group. As everyone is coming in we literally fill the little room in our church which is in ruins basically because of the renovations happening. I still have to give like 2 talks and what not but hey! I have an actual crowd. And then I don't even notice but Yulizza and Tamara show up.
It was weird sitting next to a Counselor in the Mission and the future Branch President in my own branch as a 19 year old kid. (who still doesn't even really speak the language that well but I guess thats what the mission does to you).
As everyone is about to leave we all take a picture and Presidente Texiera is talking with Tamara and she says something like, "oh yeah I'm definently going to get baptized."
We go back and put her on date on Thursday and end up having her baptism on Sunday. and then I find out I'm leaving to become a Zone Leader in Encarnacion (where i started my mission) that afternoon.
I know I sort of rushed through the ending there but all I gotta say is I didn't have to fight anymore. My mom sent me this little card for my christmas package that says a quote from Jeffery R Holland. It says something like "I testify that hard days do come to an end, hope always triumphs, and heavenly promises are kept." a few weeks ago I was really losing hope in that testimony. But hard days really do come to an end.
The whole zone showed up for the baptism and before I knew it I was on a bus to Encarnacion. The sun was setting on the river behind Posadas Argentina making the whole skyline orange. One sister told me that it was because Encarnacion was happy I was coming back. The mission is still hard and I'm still tired all the time but for once in my mission I love my area, I love my comp, I love what I'm doing and I'm not fighting anymore. I'm just serving.
If you get anything out of what is written here just remember that hard days do come to an end. Everytime I read that quote I get a little choked up because I know now how true it is. I'll always have a special place in my heart for Carapegua and the people I met there. But I just want you all to know that I'm okay. Even though i've gotten progressively worse at responding to emails I read all of them and I love getting them.
un abrazo :)
After a miserable 5 week transfer, I'm on a bus going to Asuncion to pick up my new companion. He would be the third of four different companions in 4 transfers. Elder Cano.
Elder Cano is one of the most interesting companions I've ever had. I can't think of a person more different than me on paper. He is 23 years old (but he looks like he's 35) really short and doesn't really talk much-- in part because he doesn't speak Spanish very well. He has grown up his whole life speaking the native language Guarani. He's from a city way up north in the middle of nowhere where the only cool thing is how hot it is and how sketchy it is. But strangely I got along with him much better than most of my other companions. Maybe it was just because I as relieved to have someone other than my last companion. Elder Cano is very humble and is someone that really does want to be in the mission. I had a good time being his companion.
He was a brand new missionary. Fresh out of online MTC. I wish I could have been a better companion for him...
I showed up at the mission office a couple days after transfers to pick him up. I had spent the last week before that bouncing around different areas because I didn't really have a companion. I sort of felt like I was just there. A lot of missionaries in the zone would sort of ask, "What happened to you?" I didn't even know how to explain. I was just sort of dead mentally. I had spent a whole transfer just suffering. I found it really hard to sleep at night which made it really hard to get up in the morning. Something I still haven't fully recovered from. For a while I sort of lost myself.
I traveled alone up to the mission office. At this point I had sort of gotten used to not having a companion. I didn't feel anywhere close to being like an actual "citizen" but it was interesting. I sat by myself on the bus. I was able to use my phone by myself. It was my brother's wedding that day so I got to call my family on the way up to Asuncion which was nice. I got off at the McDonalds that's close to the mission office and the secretary told me some elders were coming to pick me up and I was just sort of there. alone. Surrounded by people but alone. Honestly, it was as i like to say "kinda nice."
I couldn't really get over my missionary-induced urge to talk to people so I started just talking to people for like 30 minutes. It was nice I didn't really have to worry about what my companion was gonna think because I didn't have one. Then the office elders picked me up. I'm pretty good friends with all of them. I came in with the secretary (Elder Smith) who has been in the office for like 8 months. You could kind of tell he was sort of sick of it. But he was telling me about how a lot of missionaries in the mission are just tired--of their companion or their area or their lack of success. It was comforting to know I wasn't the only one feeling down, but I was also sad to hear about it. What's the point of serving a mission if us just going to be sad and not have success? I was told you're called to serve but sadly all too many are called to suffer.
So anyway I pulled up and President asked me for an interview. Presidente Faundez is my 3rd mission president. The thing that separates him from President Dunn and President Hansen is his form of showing his love. Instead of encouragement or praise he sort of cuts you down. He is very frank about what he expects from you but lets you know that he is fully confident in your abilities to achieve it. He asked me about what happened with my other companion and what I had learned from it. He told me that he was going to have me train again. I was actually excited to hear it. The last time I really felt alive as a missionary was when I was training Elder Harris. He invited Elder Cano into the interview and started giving him the run down of the mission to him. Then he turned the conversation on me (I was still there) and he said: Elder Johnson... (I thought he was about to say "is a great missionary with a lot of experience blah blah blah") but no he said: Elder Johnson is not the best missionary in the world. In fact he has a lot of flaws. But the Lord has called him to be your companion this time. So you are going to have to learn something from him. Make sure that he's being obedient and make sure he's getting up on time.
Throughout my mission I've never had that much trouble being obedient or getting up on time. But man, that transfer was hard for some reason. I think it was just because my companion didn't really know anything about the mission. I was sort of tempted to just do whatever I wanted because I honestly really could have. It's not that Elder Cano wasn't intelligent it's just that he's a little slow. I had to explain everything in depth. I can't just say "hey on Monday you have to write President." I had to say, "okay here is how you turn on the phone, here is how you log into your email... oh you forgot your password, okay we are gonna have to reset it. Can you write it down so you don't forget? this is how you type. you have to finish every sentence with a period...."
and yeah. It was tough.
I had to fill a lot of roles that transfer. I was branch president. trainer. spanish teacher. There is absolutely no other priesthood in the branch. Every Sunday I had to wake up early, clean the church, give two talks, conduct, bless or pass the sacrament, and teach sunday school. All so a couple of people could go to church. I was burned out. I had to do pretty much everything. and I was just fighting. I saw other areas having a ton of success and I just didn't know what I was doing wrong. It was the last week in the transfer. I was just soooo sick of fighting.
and then I met Tamara
I cant talk about Tamara without first mentioning Yulizza. Yulizza is an outlier in all of the best ways. Her family used meet with the missionaries years ago but the gospel really touched her heart more than anyone else. But in the end her family didn't let her get baptized because they were all devout Catholics. Even though she really wanted to join. One day long after the missionaries stopped coming to their house she still really wanted to get baptized. She knew that the gospel was true and she knew that the Book of Mormon was true and she didn't know why God wouldn't let her get baptized. Then she read in the Book of Mormon (i forget exactly where it's at) about how the choice to follow Jesus Christ is a personal decision.
Somehow when she turned 18 she found the missionaries again and was baptized. The only one in her family. And she was active for a long time. She even started her mission papers. But then as life went on, Covid shut everything down, and her family stopped committing to take her to church, and she sort of went inactive. But she never lost her testimony. Never.
and this all happened before I showed up.
We would always visit Yulizza and it was always good and we even had her little sister on date to get baptized up until one day when it sort of ended badly. My companion before Elder Cano sort of got in a bash with Yulizza's younger sister and not only did it fill me and her with just a bunch of doubt it sort of cut off the relationship I had with that family. I felt horrible because Yulizza was just coming back to church and she had started working on her papers again but after that day, it just made everything awkward. I felt like I had sort of been let down. again.
We didn't really talk for a while until one day she messaged us out of the blue and told us that we needed to come over. We were actually on the way to their house but then our ZLs called and told us that the whole zone got Covid and we had to get tested. My comp was actually a little sick but because I had no symptoms, I had to bend the rules and lie a little bit so I could actually take the test (because you have to have symptoms to take the test) and it came back positive. I was bummed. But one 10 day quarantine later (that Elder Johnson really needed) we were back at Yulizza's house. We were about to share a lesson with her and then her older sister, Tamara, comes in and is like "yooo I want listen too."
We end up sharing about the restoration and we tell her to read the Book of Mormon and all that good stuff but then she like goes 5 steps ahead and is like "yeah I want to come to church tomorrow." Keep in mind--this is half dead Elder Johnson talking who has spent a 75% of his mission having a very pitiful number of people he teaches attend church. So in my mind I'm like, "yeah okay whatever... we'll see about that."
That Sunday was one of the strangest but best Sunday's of my mission. and my last Sunday as Branch President.
Heres how it went down: We shared a really spiritual lesson with the dad of one of the few faithful members of the branch. He really opened up to us and told us that he needed God's help in his life. That's a story for a different day but he ends up showing up to church that Sunday. Presidente Texiera who is the second counselor in the mission shows up with his family because he needs to release me and call the new Branch President--a faithful member who just moved into the Acahay Group. As everyone is coming in we literally fill the little room in our church which is in ruins basically because of the renovations happening. I still have to give like 2 talks and what not but hey! I have an actual crowd. And then I don't even notice but Yulizza and Tamara show up.
It was weird sitting next to a Counselor in the Mission and the future Branch President in my own branch as a 19 year old kid. (who still doesn't even really speak the language that well but I guess thats what the mission does to you).
As everyone is about to leave we all take a picture and Presidente Texiera is talking with Tamara and she says something like, "oh yeah I'm definently going to get baptized."
We go back and put her on date on Thursday and end up having her baptism on Sunday. and then I find out I'm leaving to become a Zone Leader in Encarnacion (where i started my mission) that afternoon.
I know I sort of rushed through the ending there but all I gotta say is I didn't have to fight anymore. My mom sent me this little card for my christmas package that says a quote from Jeffery R Holland. It says something like "I testify that hard days do come to an end, hope always triumphs, and heavenly promises are kept." a few weeks ago I was really losing hope in that testimony. But hard days really do come to an end.
The whole zone showed up for the baptism and before I knew it I was on a bus to Encarnacion. The sun was setting on the river behind Posadas Argentina making the whole skyline orange. One sister told me that it was because Encarnacion was happy I was coming back. The mission is still hard and I'm still tired all the time but for once in my mission I love my area, I love my comp, I love what I'm doing and I'm not fighting anymore. I'm just serving.
If you get anything out of what is written here just remember that hard days do come to an end. Everytime I read that quote I get a little choked up because I know now how true it is. I'll always have a special place in my heart for Carapegua and the people I met there. But I just want you all to know that I'm okay. Even though i've gotten progressively worse at responding to emails I read all of them and I love getting them.
un abrazo :)
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